Journey to Self-Actualization

Our lives had gone from poverty to middle class by the time I was 12 years old. My mom and I lived alone and I would often have girls who didn’t have a place to stay or a family they wanted to live with; come and live with mom and I.

I was presented with the opportunity to leave Jamaica by my girlfriend who had lived with us prior to her immigration to Canada.

Upon arrival things were not what I had expected. Though I grew up poor; I had never had to sleep on the floor in Jamaica, I had never gone without a meal or worried about where my next meal was going to come from, I had never been exposed to drugs of any kind except when my father smoked weed and I didn’t live with him so it wasn’t something I was accustomed to.

I quickly realized that the environment I was introduced to was not ideal and I would have to fend for myself if I wanted the outcome I had envisioned, after all my mother who had taken care of me all my life was not with me in Canada.

I was an immigrant without a work permit initially and that in itself was a struggle.

I found jobs that I was not proud of doing, but I did them anyway because I needed to survive. I had bouts of depression but even then I refused to return to Jamaica. I decided at that time that I was not going to fold!

I met my then husband whom I had known from high school in Jamaica. I had a child, got married and within 5 years I was getting a divorce after reading Iyanla Vanzant’s Yesterday I Cried. My marriage was tumultuous because of external influences from family members and I also had no idea how to be a good partner due to my past CSA experiences.

Shortly after my separation I landed a job at as a Customer Service Representative, got promoted a few times until I landed in the role as a Curriculum Designer and Corporate Trainer at one of the largest Energy Service Providers in Canada.

I loved this job but after a few years of doing it, I felt depressed and like I needed something new and different.

This led me back to school to become a Social Worker and that was I believe the best decision I could’ve made.

Within this program I was able to connect with my inner demons, the issues that I had bottled up as a result of my past, that was blocking me from both personal and professional growth were finally being confronted. As a result of this program, I was able to free myself and move into the next chapter of my life.

I landed a job as an Employment Facilitator/Counsellor and then Project Coordinator in a few months of joining one of the largest Non-Profit Organizations in Toronto Ontario Canada.

From the outside looking in, it seemed like I had it all. I’m vivacious and generally a happy, positive, confident woman.

Only, I knew I wanted more. I needed to find something that wouldn’t limit my creativity. I was helping others lead better lives but I was not living my best life.

I’ve always had an uncanny knack of living in the now and after my studies I had an even better handle of my emotions and how to truly tap into my consciousness allowing only thoughts of what was true to arise.

At the end of 2016 after the end of my then relationship I knew I wanted more from my life and I was searching. I was sitting at my desk at work and I was aching for more. It was during this time that I began reading a number of self help books, two of which stood out and changed my life forever. The Secret By Rhonda Byrne and The 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris.

I’ve always wanted to have my own business and the knowledge I got from both books solidified my resolve. It was the light bulb moment I needed to make the mindset shift. There was a voice inside my head asking “why aren’t you doing what you really want to do? Why aren’t you using the gift God gave you to teach others.” At first it was a dim whisper but then it became a tsunami. The answer finally came to me—“I’m afraid to fail and I worry a lot about the way society views failure.”

You see… Subconsciously I had failed as a child when I as molested and abused and therefore I carried the guilt of shame. When it comes to trial and error because the guilt I carried unknowingly I refused to see “failed attempts” as experiences to learn from. The Secret seemed to have opened my eyes at this point and I was going full steam ahead, there was no turning back!

My dream was never to be an employee and the tsunami in my head wasn’t going to let me revert to the employee mindset!

I had been working three jobs to support my family after my mom got too ill to work in 2016; delivery jobs like SkipTheDishes, Uber, DoorDash and a retail jobs at Sears and TJX.

I was working really hard to make ends meet and it was getting to be too much to physically handle. To be honest I was broke and barely making my monthly bill payments. At this point I was searching furtively for another way out of not only the financial mess but also out of the mental and professional career mess I was in.

Something had to change! I was soul searching and researching different types of businesses that would be profitable and at the same time fulfilling.

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